she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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