The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
