Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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