But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
