You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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