just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
