I can text with my tongue
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
