They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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