i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
