so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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