i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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