Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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