Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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