omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
