looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
