i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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