Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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