Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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