Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
