New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
