I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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