So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
