my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You are the jesus of drinking
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize