We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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