"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize