I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
