dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
