Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
is wine microwaveable?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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