How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you still have your period?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
