did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
