I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
