I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Someone signed my nipple.
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