u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
