you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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