Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
