the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
