You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
