So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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