I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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