# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
this is an emotional support booty call
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sext me about skeletons
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
