Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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