ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
