I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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