omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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