I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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