Farmville is her only friend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
