You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
