In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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