Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
