Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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