wat bout pragnant strippers??
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
