There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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