idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
