shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
