I wanna bring you to show and tell
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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