There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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