I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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