im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize