and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's the barista slut.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
