Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
