I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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