currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
