If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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