she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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